I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
