At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
