i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
