Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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