omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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