Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
