It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
