I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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