I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
