Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
