he shaved USA in his pubs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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