You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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