I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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