I'm gonna have a badass scar
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
