I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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