Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
