Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
