He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
