went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
