Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
