I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
