if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
