You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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