It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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