Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
