I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
