"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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