When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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