We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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