my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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