Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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