that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
