so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have fence marks all over my body
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
