Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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