just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
