Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't trust your balls anymore.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
