I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
