I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
