He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
