i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
