How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
