I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
