do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
