He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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