you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
