I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
