you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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