we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
