Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
