My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
