Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
