You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
