Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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