rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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