If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
