halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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