Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
