I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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