You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
