I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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