I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
