i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This girl is more easily done than said...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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