I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
