It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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