Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
